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| For Pregnant Dreams | ||
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“Dreams Seek The Truth.” Mommy: Julie Bohr Julie could not imagine a life without her father. Who was going to be there for her when life’s little obstacles found their way onto her path? The void she felt at that moment sucked her into the blackest, emptiest hole she had ever experienced. We all know at one point in our lives we will experience what the loss of a parent feels like, but even with that knowledge and warning well in advance, nothing ever prepares you for the actual loss. It had been a few months now since Julie’s dad had passed and the grief continued gnawing away at her spirit. Sleep was
definitely the answer. Julie’s great escape was sleeping. Julie had started to feel even worse months after her father’s death, with physical problems manifesting themselves. She looked forward to the summer months as they were her favorite time of year, but this year not even the warmth of summer would make her feel better. More than a half a year had passed since she had lost her father, and her body still just didn’t feel right. Trying to decide if two new symptoms which were causing her lethargy and nausea were a deeper depression or pregnancy or a little of both presented a small ray of light in an otherwise dark existence. The day the pregnancy test showed positive, Julie was sure she felt a small shift in her grieving mind––like the shift in one of the earth’s fault lines, preceding an earthquake of shocking magnitude. That day, Julie lay down with a new awareness of her body and the little life she was carrying. She fell into one of the most peaceful sleeps she had, had in quite sometime. The pregnancy shook some of her lingering grief free from the parts of her mind where it had so concretely attached itself. With each passing day she watched as her body changed and the new life introduced himself in the form of some kind of boxing champion. A little girl could never behave in this manner, she thought to herself, as a smile splashed across her face. “I think I will name my son after my Dad,” Julie said out loud to no one in particular. A spring baby––with April 2,2004 as the estimated day of arrival seemed the perfect time to bring a life into this world. Julie felt a surge of happiness course through every cell in her body. What a welcome yet foreign feeling. Happiness was once again creeping its way back into her life––and then the pain came. “I’m afraid your ulcerative colitis has reared it’s ugly head again,” she heard her doctor announce. “You have lost a significant amount of weight, Julie. We will have to send you for an ultrasound to assess that the growth of the baby has not been affected by the loss of nutrients in your body,” her doctor continued. The long wait for the ultrasound because of insurance issues, and the results of the ultrasound showing a four-week lag in growth sent her into a tailspin. The bad news immediately seized Julie’s newly acquired happiness, squeezing down hard on her already sore abdomen, and reuniting her with depression. Frustration built, as Julie could not hold down any food and continued to lose weight. Greater fear than any Mommy-to-be
could imagine surfaced, as the health of her unborn child was in serious question. Julie was scared! Julie once again turned to sleep for solace, one day falling into a particularly deep and fitful sleep: “Father!” Julie murmured in disbelief. Next to her sat her father. Her heart swelled with joy. It was her father, here, alive, talking to her. He reached out and grabbed her hand, cupping both his hands around hers. Looking straight into her eyes, with the love and comfort so familiar to her, he said, “Do not worry about your son. He is all right, and he is beautiful! Julie took in the information her father was sharing with her. “For Christmas I am giving your son my eyes. Stop worrying. Everything will be okay––you will see,” and with that Julie opened her eyes. Tears flowed down Julie’s face as she recalled her dream. Was that her dad? Did he really come to reassure her in her dream? “Thank you father!” Julie said out loud. “Thank you for still being my rock!” It was like someone had lifted the weight of the world off her shoulders. A sense of well-being enveloped her, as a Mother’s arms might embrace her newborn child. At once, Julie was whole again. One dream. One night and––a Father’s love. -------------------------------- A Note From Julie: |
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